by Nitika Sathiya
i used to be mispronounced as Cerberus
sickly saliva foaming at the mouth for your arrival with
bloodthirsty eyes sunken deep
deep enough
i could see my heart
beating against me
the waves wrecking my perception
i thought i was enough to be loved
but i was greedy
no, i was asking for too much
to come alive for more than one night in your presence
you called me Cerberus
as i caught fire in the middle of an ocean
bringing hellfire to your ignorance
i am dripping with blood
of cherries, rubies, and red velvet cake
i have become a monster of the flower you planted
a queen of death—
you have made me nothing
but starved for more than attention
i want to love. nothing
is enough for you
until i bloom
glow white with serenity
i have made myself a constellation
cut myself a piece of the sky
i am a night-blooming cereus
asleep for many suns
but still, you are not there when i bloom
not when i bleed
not even when i become a galaxy
*night-blooming cereus: white cactus flower that blooms once a year at night
Nitika Sathiya is currently a senior in high school. She is an Alameda County (CA) Co-Youth Poet Laureate (2022-2023), second-degree black belt, and runner, and she volunteers and advocates for the arts in her community. Her poetry varies from love, feminism, family, and whatever she feels like exploring. Nitika plans to pursue Civil Engineering in the fall.